Halloween and other scary things

Halloween was a success, not that a holiday/tradition filled with dressing up and loads of candy would be anything but, just saying. We all had a good time this year including Jon who is a self proclaimed Halloween Scrooge! After a fun birthday party in the afternoon we headed to the neighborhood Trunk or Treat (which turned out not to be "lame" like I was anticipating.) We had Silv's cousin's join us in begging for candy around the parking lot, enjoyed some chili, and headed to another gathering in the evening. All in all, very fun, very exhausting!




Now for the scary...

Fall is Fun

I love October. I don't necessarily love Halloween, just all the fun activities, great weather, and of course the treats.

It's only half way through the month and we've already been to a pumpkin patch and to visit witches at Gardner Village.


Here's the best friend/auntie a kid could have!

The best part of fall thus far is seeing my sweet boy grow up.

Peace Out!

Confirmation

It's amazing how every once in a while I find clarity in my life.

All too often I get so bogged down and am in the "thick of thin things."

I let life get away from me. I neglect. Myself. My hubby. My kids. My house. The list goes on.

I detach. I've been detached for a while now. Detachment is so much easier then facing life head on, or at least that is my coping mechanism of choice.

But then, as always, there is light...light and TRUTH. Truth about why I am here on this earth in the first place. Truth about where I am going.

Lately I have had confirmation of the truths that I have come to know. It's been coming in waves. Right now I'm a bit overwhelmed at the power of that wave. I wasn't looking for it but now it's pushing me a long. Carrying me into a different atmosphere.

Confirmation of truth brings CLARITY. I am lifted up, above the fog of the mundane and am seeing more clearly.

And I think I'm ready. Ready to move forward. To follow the light, the truth.

Ready to be a better person. Mom. Wife. Daughter. Sister. Friend.

Ready to think beyond myself. My pity party has lasted way too long! I can not stay in this holding pattern any longer. Where I live should have no baring on who I am and what I do.

It's time. I can't waste one more day. I've been given the opportunity to come to this earth to experience life. To serve. To learn. To GROW.

I have a little picture in my room with the saying "Sweet Assurance. The certainty that comes when you know lifes truths."

Sweet Assurance. That is what I'm feeling. I've been so scared, uncertain, apprehensive, but it was because I wasn't trusting myself and I had forgotten. Forgotten about those truths.

I've been reminded. Through a series of small events. Whisperings to my soul. I've been reminded and I remember now. Life does have a purpose. I have a purpose. It's confirmation of that knowledge that I will cling to as I start to live better. Be better.

I know what I need to do. That is half the battle right. Now I just have to get to doing.

Wowza. I felt so strongly that I had to put that out there. O.K. universe, there you go. Message received and passed on. Thank you for tapping on my shoulder! Thank you for not giving up on me.

With that said....I'm going to get to doing now...well not right now. Right now I'm going to bed.

Does sweet assurance translate into sweet dreams?

Little Boy Blue

I can not get enough of this boy. Love him. He's grown so quick and just today had his second tooth break through.
He's sitting up, rolling around (everywhere! The other day I found him under Silvi's table) eating solid foods (like a champ) playing with his toys and by playing I mean banging things together. He's not the best sleeper but is pleasant all day long.

Did I mention I love him!

Happy Face

"Mom, this is my Happy Face!"

Love the happy face.

Let the schooling begin

I read a quote somewhere about a mom not putting her kid in preschool because she figured he'd be in school for the next 13 years of his life. What's the rush? That almost had me, except I knew Silvi would love it!

Here is her big first day.

Status

Let me start with a little background. In my previous life, before motherhood that is, I worked...a lot! I had a great job traveling the country training volunteers and making presentations for Tread Lightly!. It was great. I loved the independence. I loved interacting with all walks of life, and loved the travel, from backwoods Alabama (and a fried food buffet!) to driving across Alaska (Amazing!!). And if ever asked when I would have kids I would give the inquirer a deadpan look to accompany my emphatic "never." It makes me so sad to think back on that now. I have to admit I was naive, prideful, selfish, and mostly afraid. The thought of having kids, from the pregnancy and birth right on through the teenage years, terrified me.

It was so much easier to just work and play. In 2006, after a particularly busy few months of travel, that I awoke one morning to realize I was pregnant....that is a whole other story. I had no idea what I was going to do. Immediately I started calculating a plan on how I was going to balance work and baby. I liked the idea of being a stay at home mom but I wasn't sure if it was really for me. I knew my baby would need me, but I was sure I needed work. That validation. Accomplishment. And what do you do all day with a baby anyway!? (ha....ha ha ha.....so naive!)
Then things started to change. My body. My hormones. My perspective. Maybe it was the books that I had started to read (gotta love all the pregnancy books) Maybe it was thinking about something other than "me." Maybe it was the grace of God. Whatever it was life started leading me down a path that only a few months prior I would have had disdain for. (I was such a brat! Kicking myself still.)

Soon, much to the astonishment of those closest too me I was talking about natural birth (when I used tear up at the thought of labor), breastfeeding till my baby was 18 months, making my own baby food, and my hope to be a full time, stay at home mom.

I did try to continue working. But in the end I walked away from that job that I had invested so much time and parts of myself in. It was a torturous decision at the time. Jon got many a tearful call from me when I faltered in my resolve. But, as we all know now it worked out for the best. It wasn't the end of the world! Who knew! And who knew that I would find so much joy in being a mom? Seriously! I had no idea it would be as fulfilling and challenging, fun and exhausting.

Don't get me wrong, there were many a time when I pictured my life as it once was and longed for the escape and challenge that came along with a 9 to 5 job. When Jon and I found our way back to Utah and Silv was about 18 months old I was ready for a little more structure to my day. I did a little bit of nannying but that ended when I found out I was pregnant with baby Berg. Managing one kid along with four charges was one thing but I was sure I wouldn't be able to handle two (Six total, yikes!)

Then a month or so ago my old work friend Monica was visiting with her new baby. She was working part time from home. For some reason I mentioned that I was looking for some work too. One thing led to another and suddenly I was working for Tread Lightly! again. Not the same exact work but its something that is familiar, that I enjoy and a new challenge. Most challenging (other than formulating sentences that didn't sound like a 5th grader wrote them) has been disciplining myself to stick to a schedule and utilize my down time.

So, short story really long....my life has come full circle, in a sense. I know there are many more twists and turns down this life path. Though right now I'm enjoying dabbling a bit in my former life. Enough about me... more about my sweet kiddos to come.

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Post edit:
I didn't clarify the moral to the story very well. The whole point in my long winded explaination was to say that I feel like I kinda have the best of both worlds (although we all know that can't last forever.) I feel pretty blessed to be able to stay home with my kids while taking a few hours a week to dabble in the working world. That's all. The End....or To Be Continued.... (time will tell.)